Fear of Falling

Here she is, my three legged hound, frozen at the perilous transition between rug and hardwood floor. She has crossed this stretch of slippery floor thousands of times, yet she always pauses here, sometimes for an entire minute, before she commits to the steps it will take to get her to another room. I wonder about this. You would think her long history of successfully crossings of hardwood floors would give her more confidence, yes? Apparently not.

Has she ever slipped? Yes! The doorbell rings and in her excitement she runs from her dog bed and careens around a corner at a tilt. It isn't a slip, but it comes close, and I can hear dog toenails scraping for a purchase on the flooring. Excitement apparently trumps fear! Hmm. Food for thought there.

All of this has caused me to reflect on places in my life where I walk tentatively, fearful of slipping, in my own life. Like my cautious dog here, I may have had years of successes behind me, but still I feel that paralyzing twinge of fear slowing my action. I know that fear is evolutionary. I understand that the fight / flight / freeze response is a healthy one . . . in SOME situations. But I want to be in right relation with fear. When I feel that twinge, I want to recognize it for what it is, and what it is most often is an old piece of my history that is replaying itself, a piece I have outgrown.

Maybe my three-legged friend is offering some wisdom here. Maybe I don't need to "jump when the doorbell rings" and throw myself into action. Can I pause, like she does, and take each step more mindfully? Can I feel that twinge of fear, smile, and say thank you, then choose to mindfully take the next step, the next and the next? So choosing, I do not make fear an enemy, but an ally, trusting myself to take mindful step after mindful step. I will not live in fear of slipping or falling down, but trust my gravity and the power of a pause to propel me into the future, one gracious step at a time.